PENKNIFE

gao xingjiang is abstract and misty and protective and distant, but also slowly rewarding and fulfilling. soul mountain by him is a book i read years ago and often thought about. he lived through the chinese revolution and maintained an artistic spirit under a guise of standard straightforward citizen. in this book he grudgingly goes back into his past and reviews his youth. he is a a character, even to himself, he calls himself you. we learn about your beijing years, and your exodus exile to a mountain village to become a hermit scholar in the classic tradition of unwanted state intelligensia.

i liked this quote:

freedom is a look in the eyes, a tone of voice, and it can be actualized by you, so you are not destitute. affirming this freedom is like affirming the existence of a thing, like a tree, a plant, or a dewdrop, and for you to exercise this freedom in life is just as authentic and irrefutable.

freedom is ephemeral; the instant of that look in your eyes and that tone of your voice springs from a psychologicall state, and it is that flash of freedom that you want to capture. to express this in language is to affirm freedom, even if what you write can’t last forever. in the process of writing, freedom is visible and audible, and, at the instant of writing, reading, and listening, freedom exists in your mode of expression. to be able to obtain that small luxury of freedom of expression and expressive freedom is what it takes to make you happy.

freedom is not coferred, nor can it be bought, it is your own awareness of life. such is the beauty of life, and, surely, you savor this freedom just as you savor the ecstacy of sexual love with a wonderful woman.

this freedom can tolerate neither god nor a dictator. to be either of these is not your goal, nor would such a goal be attainable, so rather than wasting the effort you may as well simply want a bit of freedom.

instead of saying buddha is in your heart, it would be better to say that freedom is in your heart. freedom castigates others. to take into account the approval or appreciation of others, and, worse still, to pander to the masses, is to live according to the dictates of others. thus it is they who are happy, but not you yourself, and that would be the end of this freedom of yours.

freedom takes no account of others and has no need for the acceptance by others. it can only be won by transcending restrictions that are imposed on you by others. freedom of expression is also like this.

freedom can be manifested in suffering and grief, as long as one does not allow oneself to be crushed by it. even while immersed in suffering and grief, one can still observe, so there can also be freedom in suffering and grief. you need the freedom to suffer and the freedom to grieve, so that life will be worth living. it is this freedom that brings you happiness and peace.

one man’s bible